For someone so used to sharing bits and pieces of themselves, this passage always terrifies me. Being asked to fill out an “About me” insinuates that I know myself, doesn’t it? Especially in my age, you’d think I could at least give a generalised answer to the question of who I am and what I am about. And I could…
Is that me, though?
With all the recent upheaval in my life, I will admit that I am not genuinely sure who I am, and probably never was.
All I have is a few undeniable facts…..and ways to subvert them.
- I was born in June 1983 – I’d say you should now be able to extrapolate, depending on when you read this, how old I am. Note though, that often I feel much younger than my age. I certainly not always act like it. On other days, I feel a lot older and wiser. Note though, that I said, “feel”. Feelings are not the truth, right?
- I am a heterosexual, white dude – I feel like it, and I am these things. I acknowledge this makes me luckier than a lot of people. This should reference my opinions. However, I do get cross when people feel it automatically disqualifies them.
- I was born in Germany and grew up (t)here – I simultaneously claim that “being German” isn’t part of my personality as well as admit that it is part of my personality. I always have an issue explaining that one, so I won’t try here.
All around these three relatively and straightforward factoids, I am as mysterious or explicit, as multi-levelled or one-sided as you perceive me to be. I have interests. Some of them change, some of them don’t, some of them change so often, they loop around to the beginning and therefore haven’t changed at all.
I think a lot. I cry too little. I am smart some days. I am an absolute dolt on others. I think I am pretty rad. Mostly I think I am a waste of everyone’s time.
See, here’s the part about me I hate the most. I think I am better at telling you what I am not. I am better at stating things I hate and won’t tolerate. And I sometimes hope that people recognise me in the spaces I don’t seem to have negative feelings towards.
I wish I was better at positivity.