Ape Runs

There I was. Panting. Mechanically forcing one foot in front of the other. My enemies being a frozen winterscape covered in white. Pine trees. The cold. The animal in me was finally roaming. Freedom. Crystal clear, brilliant, exhilarating freedom from myself.

Mankind has achieved wondrous things. We reached the moon while we still dream of the stars. We conquered the earth. We created the Mona Lisa, we build Rome, we write poems about the morning dew, we rule. The only thing that stops us is…us.

Surely we are more than common animals.

Yet, often enough, we are reminded where we come from. Countless remnants of our animalistic heritage remain in our bodies and minds. Often enough, we ourselves are ruled, are tricked by the lizard part of our brains. Fury, love, pure instinct! Try to govern them and realise how little control we have.

Sometimes it feels like our greatest asset is also our greatest enemy. Yes, my brain can do an incredible number of things at once. It’s the most valuable tool I have, and yet, I want to stop it sometimes. No, I don’t want to die. I would love to be able to put it into an idle state. Have it perform all necessary busy work in the background without continually chewing on the multitude of problems my brain usually just made up itself. Every now and then I want to be free of myself and everything that is expected of me.

The closest I get to this feeling jogging. On rare occasions, the constant, steady movement puts me into a trance-like state of mind. Sometimes, I forget myself. I am no one, I don’t owe anyone. No purpose, no need for a purpose. Just existing. Sometimes on these runs, when the last podcast is listened to, I am too exhausted to worry about the future, too occupied to ponder what eternity feels like.

Sometimes, I am just an ape that runs.

There I was. Panting. Mechanically forcing one foot in front of the other. My enemies being a frozen winterscape covered in white. Pine trees. The cold. The animal in me was finally roaming. Freedom. Crystal clear, brilliant, exhilarating freedom from myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: